Friday, August 28, 2009

I want my mindset back!

I used to have a "growth" mindset. Now I worry that I have a fixed mindset. When life went bellyup on me (15 yrs ago?!) I think I switched from growth to fixed. I need to switch back!!! But how?

I remember that I used to take more chances -- particularly with my writing. I wrote short stories and sent them out. I threw myself into a medieval romance novel and sent it to the GH. Even though I don't have a historical bone in my body. Even though I had less time back then, because my kids were little.

But after life went all Death Star on me, I went into protective mode. Braced for disaster. It might have been necessary at first -- but I'm STILL there. The layoffs at the office haven't helped. Part of me still feels braced for disaster. But it's not TRULY necessary. If I lose my job, it won't impact my kids. They're launched. They're fine. And I would be too. I know that intellectually, but my limbic system doesn't seem to believe it.

I fear change and risk and I know that I find myself enjoying repetitive success -- just because it's a *reliable* success.

The one step I've made toward reversing this is that I've banned myself from entering anymore contests. Every time I see notice of a contest, I get tempted. Because it's just enough of a risk, that it feels like I'm in a growth mindset. Yet, it gets me no closer to the BIG risk, the ultimate goal. And if I do fail, it's no big.

It's a safe step that I've taken over and over with several (four now?) manuscripts since the Death Star.

I knew entering contests was getting in my way -- but until I read this article, I didn't fully understand how.

I'm still not sure I do.

But it feels like my eyes are somehow more open now. Maybe that's a start.

3 comments:

  1. Yvonne ~ I agree. You need to possess a great deal of self-awareness to make the decision to Contest or Not to Contest. If it gets you a step closer to your goals, then go for it. Enter away. But, as you've mentioned, if it's just a barrier to reaching your true goal of writing that next novel to the finish or getting published, then the answer for you would be a big no-can-do. Knowing yourself is half the battle.

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  2. Think of this phase of your life as the rebirth. It's the time to recover, reclaim, remake, if necessary, your Self.

    Writing has a major role in this remodeling. Contests got you started, gave great motivation, but now leave the scenic travel to others.

    So, whenever you're ready...

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  3. Very intriguing. Makes me wonder if "fixed mindset" is why I like crossword puzzles so much. Yay, they can be hard, but there's comfort knowing some of the tricks in solving them. It's a "safe" win. But I think (I hope) I have given myself permission to fail in that I am the farthest I've ever been on a writing project and I'm still going at it. It may turn into junk, but boyo, I am definitely growing and learning just by doing. And the 8 helps make that possible. A safe space to grow by failing. (In Mary Kay, we call that failing forward to success.)

    Maybe our masthead should speak to an open mindset? Open mindsets since 2009? :)

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