What Makes a Sexy Hero?

I’ve been thinking a lot over the past week about what makes a hero sexy or appealing beyond the requisite hunky, hot good looks. And, believe me, I don’t have it all figured out, but I figured I’d open the discussion here with the Rockville8 to get the dialogue going among writers and readers so that we can intentionally tap into the sexy factor that our heroines and female readers crave.

I’ve identified five qualities that immediately came to mind that amp a hero’s hotness quotient for me when I’m reading:

1. Attractiveness:

He’s attractive. Not every woman is attracted to every man. Hallelujah! Or we’d be in big trouble. There are physical characteristics that I’m drawn to in a man. This varies from woman to woman--what attracts me may not attract you. So, oftentimes, it’s hard to pick physical characteristics that will appeal to every woman. That being said, romance writers oftentimes will go with the fantasy. The hot bod. The chiseled features. Model perfect men. Well, we are talking fiction, so why not pick perfection, right? Just keep in mind, if you pick some strong defining physical characteristic, not every reader might like that physical trait. So you might need to compensate in other areas--strength, courage, etc.

But a universal indicator of attractiveness for our hero seems to be that he cares about his appearance to some degree. He doesn’t need to be model-perfect in looks or build, but he does need to take care of himself on some basic level--he needs to be clean, smell good, comb his hair, dress to attract the right attention, keep his body in good physical shape. But more than the initial physical attraction that draws a heroine (and a reader), there has to be a whole attractiveness package that adds a depth of sexiness to our hero--personality, strong character, courage, loyalty, sacrifice, competence or successful at something, preferably something he’s leveraged into a career.

2. A Code of Honor
He’s got a code of honor. This ties in with what’s going on under the surface and is wrapped up in the motivation of our hero. I’m not always concerned that my hero is good--because I do love a sexy badboy hero. His choices may not line up totally with the world’s rules, however, he’s honorable at his core because he holds standards that even he won’t break. To me that is hot, hot, hot.

3. A Real Man
He’s a real man at his core. Translate, Alpha male. For me that’s important. I know it’s not important for every woman. It all depends on what you find attractive. But my hero doesn’t take bullshit from anyone. He might take some heat from the female, but it’s because he’s got the bigger picture in mind. He doesn’t roll over. He’s strong and he can hold his own against a strong heroine. A sexy hero also stands for what he believes. He doesn’t back down when the going gets rough. He’s a rock solid pillar in any storm.

He knows what he wants and he claims it. Nothing sends chills up my spine when I’m reading a well-crafted romance like that moment when the hero thinks Mine. This heroine is his soul mate and he’ll do anything to win her, keep her, and protect her.

Steve Harvey in his book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment has a lot to say about real men. He says you know a man loves you when he will Profess, Provide, Protect.

Harvey says every real man will claim his woman in public, warning other men off--effectively saying this is my woman, wife, girlfriend, etc. His purpose in life is to provide for those he loves. “Society has told us men for millennium that our primary function is to make sure our families are set--whether we’re alive or dead, the people we love need want for nothing. This is the very core of manhood--to be the provider.”

A real man wants to feel needed, and by allowing him to provide for a heroine in some way--whether it’s financial, emotional, or physical--the hero feels his purpose is fulfilled. His world is complete. Harvey completes his thoughts about the makeup of a real man by saying: “When a man truly loves you, anybody who says, does, suggests, or even thinks about doing something offensive to you stands the risk of being obliterated. Your man will destroy anything and everything in his path to make sure that whoever disrespects you pays for it. This is his nature.” Talk about motivation? And when a man feels he can’t protect someone he loves, it drives him nuts--often to irrational actions and threats.

4. Overcomes Woundedness
He overcomes his woundedness, with or without a good woman’s help. Whatever that wounding was that sits at his core, that has made him the man he is today and has crippled him to some degree, he overcomes it to find the love of a good woman and to move forward with his life. And, then, he loves the heroine beyond reason and logic. He’s found true love and he’ll move heaven and earth to claim it and keep it. For me, it’s imperative that he’s monogamous. This is his one true love. There is no other. He has only eyes for the heroine, all other women pale in comparison and he’s no longer tempted by anyone else.

5. Desires Connection

He desires connection--a soul mate, a partner in life . . . and possibly children. Maybe not at the beginning of the story, but by the end, his mindset has shifted. He wants connection. It goes back to the Mine philosophy and claiming his own. He desires to build his own clan or family. That starts with finding a good mate, then expands to building his own clan--whether it’s with his own children, or collecting a family such as team mates, friends, her family, friends, etc.

There’s a desire in this mindset that makes him want to be a good partner, a good life mate who wants to take care of others--he doesn’t need to cook for the heroine every night, he just needs to see when she needs a break and take the initiative to order carryout--he needs to take care of her, and his clan, on some level. He’s an engaged father and friend and he truly cares about those around him.

On a recent (5/6/2012) CBS Sunday Morning show, Simon Baker gave an interview. Yes, Baker is mucho sexy. What I found hotter than hot was at the end of the segment, he said the most important thing to him, over his career as a successful actor, was to be a good father to his three children because he never had that growing up. My heart cracked.

Talk about Melt-Me Sexy. That did it. But for me, this all ties into the Provide and Protect mode Harvey talks about in his book. As women, we do crave a real man who provides and protects what he’s claimed as his own. And in our fiction, what he claims is the heroine. For the segment with Baker, go to http://www.cbsnews.com/sections/sunday/main3445.shtml.

So, what does it for you? What makes a hero sexy for you when you’re reading or writing? And, yes, it’s all grounded in what we find appealing in the real-life men in our lives. Who says fiction can’t mirror real life? As writers, we know that the best fiction does reflect the true emotional ups and downs in life, the real motivations that make people do what they do--it’s what draws readers in and keeps them glued to the page until the end of the story. So, let’s stir the pot. Get the discussion going. Find out what truly moves our readers and heroines to love the men they do. Then, let’s give it to them in spades.

Let the discussion begin! What Makes a Hero Sexy? Who are some of the sexiest heroes you've ever read or watched? And why?

Here are a few pictures to get you thinking of your favorites!