Santa Baby

The incomparable Eartha Kitt, singer of "Santa Baby"
and the best cat woman IMHO.
Photo credit: FashionBomb.com

I always have visions of a perfect Christmas. I really, really do. But then reality sets in. Between the frantic traffic, the zip-up robe for your mother that you can’t seem to find anywhere, and the awkward work holiday luncheon that you have to attend even though management says it’s optional, the holidays can be a difficult time. But in-between wrapping presents in the eleventh hour and sweating over the oven, I like to reflect on what I would like Santa to bring to me. Marjanna listed the things she was thankful for a couple of weeks ago. This is my wish list, Santa Baby.

1. Peace on Earth. Enough said.
2. A really sexy pair of shoes that is also comfortable. I think that this is like searching for Sasquatch who, if he exists, never wears shoes. This thought somehow pisses me off more. Better move on to number three…
3. A small hovercraft that would fly me to work and land me next to my desk. I hate commuting. I hate fighting to get there, wearing work clothes and dress shoes and then fighting my way home. Please refer to points one and two for further clarification.
4. One last chance to talk to the ones I love who have died. I’d make sure that they knew how much I love them, how they live on in those they left behind, how grateful I am for what they gave me and how I look forward to seeing them again. Plus, maybe one of them can explain the JFK assassination, what happened to Jimmy Hoffa and what anyone ever saw in toe socks.
5. Time to read. I mean really read, quietly, with no distractions, no worries and plenty of snacks in arm’s reach. One day, I’m going to go on a sabbatical for the weekend at an Embassy Suites with a stack of books and a ready supply of my favorite snacks. The free breakfast will satisfy me then I can sustain myself with snacks while I kick back and read all the books that I’ve been wanting to get to.
6. That my car would last me to old age. I despise car payments, thinking that as soon as I drive this over-priced beast off the lot, it drops in price in leaps and bounds. And I double hate looking for said beast. Haggling over prices and options makes me feel as dirty and used as a hooker on Saturday night.

Eartha Kitt, at the height of her power. She
died on Christmas Day in 2008.
Photo credit: TheDailyMail.co.uk

7. That my child will have a good, happy and productive life where she uses her skills to the utmost of her abilities, reaches her incredible potential and finds the love of her life who will be good to her and to whom she will reciprocate the love and caring. This is the prayer of most parents I know.
8. A red toy poodle name Lucy. Yes, I already have two dogs. This would be my last. But I have this strange, homesick feeling that someone is missing.
9. My husband will continue to be who he is. Despite all of the hard things that happened to us in the last couple of years, we can still laugh like teenagers over something silly, which we did today. I mean out of control, wheezing and eyes tearing. We were at our daughter’s recital, something funny happened, and with one look at each other, it was game on.
10. That I am as good a friend as my friends have been to me. I hope to live up to the incredible people whom I’ve been blessed to call friends.

Santa, I know this is a tall order. I understand if you can’t do it all. Even one of those would be great. After all, you have a lot of other wishes to fulfill.