True Grit

This past weekend the Washington Romance Writers hosted Bob Mayer for a two-day workshop. The first day focused on career – what questions to ask and actions to take in order to get moving along your desired writing path. The second day focused on what questions you’d be wise to ask yourself before typing “Chapter One” at the top of the page.

My friend, author Maggie Toussaint, did a fantastic job of summarizing Mr. Mayer’s talk when he presented to First Coast Romance Writers. Her March 18 blog can be read here. Rather than try to improve on Maggie’s recap, I’ve decided to pull out one element of the weekend’s presentation that resonated the most for me.

Grit.

Grit, Mr. Mayer says, is the determining factor for success. Perseverance gets you farther than innate talent. Grit is the key ingredient that takes you from “I coulda been a contender” to “I did it.” Grit makes me think of the chapter in Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers where Gladwell talks about the 10,000 hour rule. To become an expert in your field, you need to put in a minimum of 10,000 hours of practice. That is dedication. It’s determination. It’s a whole lot of grit.

Mayer shared the story of a young, small town violinist who wangles an opportunity to play before a visiting maestro. After the young man performs, the maestro’s only words are, “no fire.” Crushed, the budding violinist puts down his instrument, never to play again. Years later the maestro returns to town and the man reminds the master of his pronouncement. The maestro shrugs and says, “I always say ‘no fire.’” The lesson, of course, is that the ones with enough grit will double down and try harder while the ones who lack that essential element will accept the judgment of others and quit.

I’ve trained for and completed two marathons and lived through a major kitchen renovation. I know I have perseverance and determination. I’ve got grit. But I’ve never brought my grit to bear upon my writing career – and it’s high time I did. I’ve got goals I want to accomplish. I’d like to move into the realm of “I did it” – or more rightly – “I’m doing it.” No more contending. It’s time to show up, put the hours in, keep an eye on the prize and get to work.

How about you – do you have the grit to go after your writing dreams? What does grit look like for you? 

Never, never, never, never give up!

“Never, never, never, never give up.” – Winston Churchill

A few weeks ago I attended the Washington Romance Writers annual retreat, In the Company of Writers. Our last speaker on Sunday morning was Diane Gaston who shared Churchill’s words of inspiration. Despite setbacks in her road to publication and various challenges since then, Diane has always kept that message at the core of her being. Never give up.

I’ve completed two marathons. Around mile 18 (why do the organizers always put mile 18 in the middle of nowhere? I’m looking at you Marine Corps Marathon at Haines Point!), the doubt creeps in. You start questioning why you’re doing this to yourself, why you started, who would care if you stopped, hey, you almost made it. Close enough, right?

But.

But.

Close enough isn’t the same as hitting the goal.

Some of you know that I’ve been on a weight loss journey for the last eight months. I’ve done astoundingly well. By most standards, if I said, “I’m done” today, I’d be a success. I’m in good health, I sleep well, I have terrific energy, and my jeans look better on me now then ten years ago. Hot damn!

Again with the but: I’m not done.

Several years ago I watched The Secret and one message has stayed with me front and center: most people give up just before they reach their goal. Like they get lost in that darkness before the dawn and can’t hold out to morning.

But I can.

Quitting when I only have 25 pounds to go would be like getting to the midpoint of my work in progress and deciding to stuff the manuscript in the desk drawer never to see the light of day again.  Which, heh, is kind of what I did with my writing around December of last year. I put it in a mental filing cabinet and walked away.

But I’m not a quitter.

So I’ve come back to the writing fold. Because I never, never, never, never give up.

Commit. Recommit. Repeat as necessary.

Y’all have commitment issues? Digame, mis amigos!

A New Year

The New Year brings about thoughts of new beginnings. As I watched fireworks over the harbor bring in 2012, I thought about what things in my life I would like to change. The one thing that immediately came to mind is that I would like to have more time to write.

But in order to have time to write, something else has to be either put on the back burner or eliminated from my life. I am full up on obligations that I won’t bother to list here. The point is that I am at my limit and looking for a way to change my situation.

A couple of days later I noticed something in my inbox. I am on financial guru Dave Ramsey’s bulk email list. In a recent installment, he describes a method to get what you want out of life.

First, he advises you to look at your values and passions. Forgetting about money, what would you do if you could do anything in the world? For me, it would be to live on the water, with a desk in front of a water-view window, while I write during the day.

Next, Dave says look at your skills and abilities. What do you enjoy? What kind of activities and jobs get you excited? Likely, these things fall within your skills and abilities set. Concentrating on what you do well will help you plan your next step. When you love what you do, the odds are that others will love the outcome. I love to write. I can feel my pulse slow and the tension drain away as I write. Work-wise, it is the one thing that I do that while I am doing it, I don’t feel like I should be doing something else.

Now, use these things to create your goals. Well-written goals should have a time limit, be measurable and be specific. The example Dave uses is “By December 31, 2010, I will lose 40 lbs. by working out three days a week and limiting myself to 2000 calories a day.” This one I’m still working on for myself.

Lastly, your goals should be used to compose a mission statement. Dave says, “This says in concrete terms who you are, what’s important to you and what you want to accomplish in life in 100 words or less.” Dave Ramsey’s description of composing a mission statement sounds remarkably like advice I’ve heard about writing a story pitch. I figure if I can write a pitch for my story, I can write a mission statement about another story I know—my own life.

My own life. That’s the part I sometimes forget—this is my life and not everyone else’s. Though I often feel trapped by too many obligations, how I compose the story of my life is largely my decision.

How successful are you at prioritizing your goals? Do you have any hints regarding what worked and what didn't?


Dave Ramsey has published several books and conducts a radio show on financial advice.

Chart Your Course

It's April 4. The year is a quarter of the way to another New Year's celebration. And yet, I don't think it's too late to talk about goals--that one, two or maybe three things in life that you want more than anything else. I've never been shy about making my goals. They may even start out as a casual declaration.

Once said, that seed takes root and then I formulate the what if's because now I want it to become a reality. Some goals turn into way more of a challenge than I estimated and then I have to weigh the pros and cons to dedicating more energy in pursuit of this goal. When I've achieved that goal, victory is sweet, but not long-lasting. I need the challenge for what comes next. Do I go for a higher rung on the ladder? Do I step off the ladder and take a different path altogether. One thing for sure is that I'm not adverse to risk.

No matter what or how I plan to accomplish that goal. I'm pretty sure that it takes being open to possibilities. Read more than you usually read. Read outside of what you usually read. Meet new people. Look at the other interests in your life as ways to stay mentally fresh and excited about life. Don't be afraid to play the what if game where you place yourself in a winning role.

Success rarely falls on the unexpectant. Success is not guaranteed. Your energy, desire, and discipline are all tenets at your disposal. Work hard and chart your future. Good luck!

All I needed to know about writing I learned with Mary Kay

I would not be where I am today if I hadn’t jumped off a cliff and signed up to become a Mary Kay Independent Beauty Consultant 8 years ago. Over the course of a five-year period of active participation and training, a whole new world opened up to me and I’m not just talking about what lipstick shade goes best with gray shoes.
You wonder what writing has to do with skin care and color cosmetics? Not much. But here’s a list of the transferable skills I picked up: money management, time management, goal setting, prioritizing, how to make a sale, how to close a sale, positive self-talk, leadership, vision casting. I could go on and on.

Today I wanted to expand on three areas that I think are of particular importance to a healthy and active writing career: setting priorities, setting goals, and making a plan of action.

Priorities

Mary Kay Ash’s credo for her company was always: God first, Family second and Career third.

1) If you are a God person, then you probably don’t need more of an explanation for why this is the number one priority. For those of us for whom God is not our go-to person, let me submit this: I think of this priority of a proscription to get right with oneself. You know the phrase “if Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”? It’s true. If you are not well, be it mentally, emotionally, spiritually or physically, you’ll have a more difficult time being true to priorities two and three. Think of this of being on good terms with your soul, the spark within you that makes you unique.

2) Family second –Your family, born or made, can help you stand or fall. They act as your barometer, letting you know if you’re doing alright or need to go back to priority one for a realignment. The best of these people create a positive feedback loop so the giving and receiving of love and support becomes amplified. A writer’s life can be a solitary one. It’s important to keep connected.

3) Career third – Third???!! Yup. Third. Not first or second, before you and your loved ones. And not, as the oath for new MK consultants says, “thirty-third, behind the laundry.” So, if writing is your career – or you want it to be your career – you need to treat it as such and bump it up the scale to number three.
Now, this isn’t to say one has no other commitments in life. We all have things pulling at our attention. But when you look through the lens of these priorities, you can cut through the muck a bit more easily. Ask yourself the next time you’re in doubt about where to spend your time: Does this fit in with my priorities? If not, you may need to say NO to whatever is trying to pull you away.

Goals

Before Mary Kay, goal setting was a complete mystery to me. Not sure I even knew what a goal truly is. Goals can be defined as: a quantifiable dream with a deadline. To put it in perspective:

Dream: I want get healthier and lose weight.
Goal: I want to lose 20 pounds by the end of the summer.

For a long time my dream was to finish a book. Last year I put that in the form of a goal: I want to finish Honor Bound so I can submit it to the Golden Heart contest.

After ten years of being in Romance Writers of America, I finally made a goal and I hit it.

The one other thing about goals? You need to write them down. There is something about getting them in black and white that makes you more accountable to the whole undertaking. And don’t be afraid to share you goal(s) with others – knowing they’ll be asking about your progress can be an effective motivating tool!

Planning

Plan your work and work your plan.

We all can feel overwhelmed at times with the amount of stuff that we need to get done. Where do I stick the JOB, the kids, the significant other, the writing, girls’ night out, the pool date, the quiet time??
Pull out your calendar. I suggest doing this for the next three months so it doesn’t feel like too much, but if you know dates further out that you’ll be busy go ahead on mark them down.

1) Ex out the time you know you are busy (day job, church, after school sports chauffeuring, etc). Ex out the birthdays, family dinners, weddings, vacations.

2) Look at the time left and plan the hours when you will write. Plan it. Put it down on paper (or Outlook, Gmail calendar, etc.).

3) Make sure you have ready access to your calendar. And check it daily. Daily. Dare I say it again? Daily. Because writing is what you’ve determined is one of your top three priorities. It may be that you can’t write every day. That is okay. But you can anticipate your next writing block and be ready to rumble when it come around. Making a time budget, like living within a money budget, can actually be freeing. Because you know where and how you’re spending your time, you’ll be able to take time “off” without feeling guilty.

Do you have any helpful tips about setting priorities and goals? Do you have a nifty way of tracking your time and being accountable? Can you buy into my list of priorities above or do you have a different take on it?

Keely