92 Pounds and Counting: Remembering What's Important

Today is Memorial Day, which is way, way, WAY more important than whether or not I am losing weight again. (Way.) So I'm just going to give you a quick update on my weight loss journey, and then it will be on to more important matters.

A Quick Update

Yes, I'm pleased to be able to tell you that I'm slowly reversing the trend of my weight re-gain (huzzah!). There's been no magic to it: it's just eating salad, tracking calories, and walking. My next post will be on August 22, and I'm hoping to have even more good news by that time. In the meantime, you can catch up with my weight loss ups and downs by clicking this link.

A Day of Remembrance

Memorial Day is our special day to remember the men and women who have given their lives in service to this great nation. (And yes, although it may be flawed, it is, indeed, a great nation.)

On behalf of the women of The Rockville 8, I'd like to formally extend our thanks for the sacrifices of the few, in service to the welfare of the many. Our gratitude is deep and never-ending.

90 Pounds and Counting: Just Keep Swimming

Wow, it sucks to write this, but it's true: I have gained more weight. Sigh. I wish I had some deep insight or reasonable explanation, but it's just the same old, same old. I don't mind saying that I'm a little discouraged. But it ain't over! My plan is to follow the advice I've given myself in previous posts, and just keep at it. I'll be back on May 30th, and we'll see how things are at that point.

Two titles I had considered for this post were: "I Got Nothin'" and "WTF?" but instead, I went with "Just Keep Swimming," because sometimes, that's all we can do. So here's a little bit of Dory from Finding Nemo, singing my personal anthem. I hope that where every you are in your personal journey(ies), you are also swimming forward towards your goal! See you in a few weeks.

95 Pounds and Counting: Backsliding, and Complacency vs. Self Esteem

So, yes, it's true: I have "backslid" to an alarming degree. And to be brutally honest, one of the reasons this post is late is that I wasn't sure what the heck I could say about the situation. Even as I type these words, I'm still not sure. Let's find out....

A Quick Recap

(You can find my previous weight loss posts at this link.)

In 2010, I weighed in at 365 pounds. Five years later, in June 2015, I had lost 100 pounds. I hit my lowest point in umpteen years on September 15, when I weighed 250. (Cue the happy dance.)

I regained a little weight after moving house in October, but when last I posted, I was maintaining my weight in the low 260s and feeling good about myself. Even after going on vacation over Christmas, I managed to maintain. Since returning home, however, I have gotten lax both with diet and exercise. Cue the frowny-face.

So What the Heck Happened?

This is the question I've been asking myself. And the rock-bottom truth is this: I got complacent. I allowed "feeling good about myself" to slide into "feeling so good about myself that I stopped taking care of myself," which is kind of a silly thing to do.

Wondering where the real difference between these two attitudes lies, I have decided to consult the dictionary (or at least, the online dictionary).

Complacency vs. Self-Esteem

Here's how Dictionary.com defines self-esteem:

a realistic respect for or favorable impression of oneself; self-respect.

"Realistic respect." Nice, right? That's what I was feeling at the end of December, when I wrote this post.

So, now let's take a look at the other end of the spectrum. Here's the definition of complacency:

a feeling of quiet pleasure or security, often while unaware of some potential danger, defect, or the like; self-satisfaction or smug satisfaction with an existing situation, condition, etc.

"Quiet pleasure… unaware of some potential danger… smug satisfaction with an existing situation." Boom. That's my huckleberry. I've been a little too satisfied with where things are. I need to find my hunger for change again, instead of just my hunger for French fries.

So, How Do I Turn Things Around?

Ugh. I wish the answer to that question were "order a pizza," but that's kind of what got me here in the first place.

Really, the best place for me to go is back to my old stand-bys: walking and salad. It's funny to write that, it seems so simple, but those two little things lie at the core of the success I've had in losing weight.  But the tricky thing is that I'm now in a new place, with a new schedule, and am combatting both loneliness (I'm not afraid to say it: I miss my friends!), and a fair amount of boredom (I also miss my day job… or to be more accurate, I miss having a place to go every day). (Recently, the places I've been going on a daily basis all have calories as their final destination, which explains a lot.)

So, I need to take my old successful actions and fit them into my new life. And I can do that… I think. To make it official, though, I should really make a list. (I don't get much done unless I have a list.) Here goes:

• Walk a mile, at least four times a week. I prefer to walk at night (it's the vampire in me), so I'll set my walking time as 8:00 PM.
• Eat two salads a day. For some reason I've lost my taste for the usual leaf lettuce, so I'm going to try some chewier greens: romaine, kale, arugula, spinach. When my enjoyment of the lighter greens resurfaces (and it always does, eventually) I'll work them back into my diet.
• Start counting calories again. I used to use an app on my phone for this, but to shake things up I'm going to record what I'm eating by hand for a while. Maybe that will make it more interesting.
• Give myself some motivation: I will go ahead and buy some jeans in a size smaller than my smallest size. What fun it will be to fit into those!

Ah, Catharsis

Well, as usual, writing this post has been extremely cathartic! Thank you all so much for letting me ramble and vent. I hope you've found all this at least a little entertaining, if not helpful.

My next post will be on April 11. It will be interesting to see where my weight will be at that point!

And What About You?

That's enough about me. What about you? Do you have any stories to share? All stories - whether of frustrations or successes - are always welcome. Any inspiration for me? Commiseration? Advice?

100 Pounds and Counting: Maintaining and Feeling Good

So, the first thing that I should tell you is that I have no idea how much I weigh right now. *blushes* I've been out of town for about a week, and I couldn't find a scale in the hotel where I'm staying. Granted, I didn't look very hard, but one thing I can say for sure: it's not in the dining room. Or in the café. Or under the pastry cart.

 

I do know that before I left home, I was maintaining a weight of 262. For anyone who's number obsessed (as I am) that means I've maintained a weight loss of 103 pounds, although I did gain back thirteen pounds from my lowest weight. So that's where I was a week ago. When I get home day after tomorrow, I'll know where I am at that point.

 

Feeling Good

 

There is an evil little part of me that wants to brood over the weight I've gained back; wants to pick it apart and spend hours telling myself how inadequate I am. But you know what? That part of me is a jerk, and it can take a hike. To be honest, I feel pretty fantastic about myself, and here's why:

 

I move more easily.

 

Compared to this time last year, I feel like a bunny rabbit instead of a giant tortoise. I can trot up the stairs (if there aren't too many of them), and gallop down (thanks to my old frienemy, gravity). It is a pleasure to be able to double-time it across an intersection, or race down a hallway to catch an elevator. Increased motion means increased freedom, and I'll take every little bit that I can get.

 

I look good, because I look like Me.

 

Surely it goes without saying that I am not beautiful in the conventional sense of the word. But when I see myself in the mirror, I look like Me. And while that Me may never grace the cover of a fashion magazine (unless someone starts a fashion magazine called Dowdy Dames, which would be all kinds of awesome), here is what that Me can do:

 

• Make a stranger smile, just by smiling at them first. (Never underestimate the power of a smile! It can change someone's whole day.)
• Make a friend laugh, with my proclivity for puns. (Although of course those elicit an equal amounts of groans.)
• Make someone feel good, by telling them that they're fabulous, and meaning it. (While I'm on the subject: YOU, who are reading this, are fabulous. I may not know who you are, or where you come from, or what you've done in your life, but I am 100-percent, right-hand-to-God certain that you are fabulous. And if you don't believe me, then send me an email through my website, and I will convince you. Because your own fabulousness is something that you need to recognize, and I'm serious about that.)

There is more good stuff to come.

 

There are plenty of times that I feel dispirited about getting older, about not being able to fit into a size six (I'm barely out of a size twenty-six, for crying out loud), about all sorts of things too numerous to name. But the beautiful thing about life is that it ain't over until it's over (and after it's over, who knows if it's really over?).


For me, there are adventures to be had (horseback riding lessons is on my list of things to tackle next year, as are travel and writing, writing, writing!), there are new friends to make, and there are old friends to play with. There's work to be done, yes, but it's the right kind of work, and that's always a good thing.

And What About You?

So, I've spent the past few blogs talking about myself, my journey, and all things Me. Now, what about you? How are you doing? What kind of adventures are you looking forward to?

 

Five Years of Weight Loss: What's Worked, and What Hasn't

Well, this is the perfect day to write on this topic, because since my last post I have gained eleven pounds. (Wow, it's depressing to write those words!) Actually, 11.3 pounds, if we want to be specific. That drops my cumulative weight loss to 103.8 pounds since January 1, 2010. Sigh.

Part of me really wants to beat myself up over my dietary slack-off, but self-abuse is a waste of time. So let's just jump into the topic at hand, starting with:

What Hasn't Worked (For Me)

1. Weight Watchers. Okay, this may seem like a controversial way to start off this list, but it helps to make the following point: these are things I tried that didn't work for me. They may work for someone else. Weight Watchers is a great program which emphasizes conscious eating and a well-rounded diet. I know a lot of people who have had success with it. But for some reason, I found the point system didn't really fit into my life. Maybe I'm just too lazy for it. I tried it for several months, didn't see a difference in my weight, so decided to move on to something else. And that something else was:

2. Going vegan. About two years ago I tried to go vegan. I'd always been philosophically on board with veganism, especially considering the use of antibiotics and steroids in our feed animals. So, in 2013 I took the plunge: I didn't eat any animal products for about six weeks. At first it was great: I lost a few pounds, and felt really good. But again, laziness took over: I stopped being creative with my cooking, started eating a lot of carbohydrates (it probably goes without saying, but pasta is vegan, and so are french fries). As a result, I was constantly tired, and started gaining weight again. I still feel like veganism is a viable dietary lifestyle for me, but the next time I make the transition, I'll have a better plan.

3. Not paying attention.  This seems obvious, to the point where it shouldn't even make the list. But lack of attention is most definitely at the bottom of my recent weight gain. I stopped keeping track of what I was eating, stopped walking every day. Part of this was due to the fact that I'd hurt my back, and wasn't as able to move as freely (or at all), which also inhibited my ability to cook for myself. More convenience foods, fewer salads, less exercise… obviously it added up.

4. Smoking. I only include this because I think it's one of the silliest things I ever did to try to lose weight: a little over two decades ago I attempted to take up smoking. (Hey! Stop throwing things at me! I said it was silly!). Needless to say, this brilliant plan failed to work, and I tossed the cigarettes before finishing my second pack.

What Has Worked (For Me)

1. WeightNot. I heard about this program on a podcast. Ordinarily I don't take podcasts too seriously, but WeightNot had a lot of qualities that appealed to me: it was all natural (no drugs, just vitamins and herbal supplements), weight loss happened quickly (half a pound to a pound a day) and there was some variety to what I would be eating (although portions were quite small).  So at the end of 2011, I tried the 60-day program. I lost about 60 pounds, and kept off 45. It was difficult, but very worth it. I tried to do another 60-day cycle in 2012, but for some reason the program didn't run as smoothly the second time around. However, I am extremely happy that I did that first round, and anyone who has a lot of weight to lose would do well to check out this program and see if it might work for them.

2. Salad, salad and more salad. Again, this seems so self-evident it's almost silly to mention it. But salad has saved me, especially over the last year.  Eating two salads a day has been one of the best things I've ever done for myself. And no matter what else I eat (within reason, of course!), as long as  have those two salads, I know I'm doing something good for myself.

3. Counting calories. I started counting calories on Thanksgiving Day in 2014, and in that time (even with the recent weight gain) I've lost 34 pounds. This past year has been the longest period of continuous weight loss in my life. Calculating how many calories to eat is a relatively simple process (here's a great online calculator), and I always try to eat the maximum number of calories that I'm allowed. My current range of calories is 1700 to 1900, so I try to eat 1900. This makes for slightly slower weight loss, but reduces my chances of feeling deprived. For me, this has been my most successful action for losing weight.

4. Not thinking too far ahead.  I used to plan out my weight loss ("I'll lose X amount by Christmas, and XX amount by my birthday.") And although the daydreaming can be fun, when you have a large amount of weight to lose it can also be quite daunting. Even if I could lose 50 pounds a year, it would still take me twenty-one months to reach my maximum healthy weight of 173. And although I'd rather reach that goal in 21 months than not reach it at all, that's still almost two years away, which feels like a mighty long time.

So, I've learned not to think too far ahead. Instead, I just think about losing the next pound or so. When I was at 255 pounds, I concentrated only on getting to 254, and I savored every tenth of a pound that I lost. Because every 1/10 of a pound is progress; and in only 880 tenths of a pound, I will finally, for the first time in my life, be a healthy weight.

Summary

The activities which have worked for me may not be the activities which work for other people (and same goes with the "haven't workeds").   But everyone has the ability to become healthier, whether that means losing weight, or just treating the body with a little more care and thoughtfulness. So, now that I'm looking at re-losing that eleven pounds (and 77 more), I would love to know: in the journey to become healther, what has (or hasn't) worked for you?

Buried but Still Breathing

Hey friends, I know I was supposed to post another weight loss blog today, but I'm copping out. :-) In about five weeks, I'm moving house. And while it's true that I just moved a year ago, this time it's a big move: a hundred miles away instead of only three. So I've been going through all of our storage spaces, revisiting everything that I put away years ago, and deciding what to keep and what to let go. It's been a little on the difficult side, hence the cop-out. I hope you can forgive me.


Just a quick update: I've lost another three pounds (most of that sweating while running up and down the stairs) which brings my grand total to 115 pounds down, with 76 left to go.


I don't want to leave you completely unentertained, so here's a funny video I found about being buried. While in my case I've been buried under boxes (and memories), the video is about being buried under paperwork. But it made me laugh, and I hope it does the same for you.


Thanks for reading, watching, and caring!

112 Pounds and Counting: My Hair is Falling Out, But My Mustache is as Thick and Full As Ever!

I'm a little conflicted about writing this post. And since it's not specifically about weight loss, I don't know if you'll call foul on this being the second post in my Weight Loss Journey series.

Let's Back Up…


Earlier this year, the glorious ladies of the Rockville 8 decided that we wanted to focus on life journeys. Since we're all headed somewhere, we might as well write about it, am I write right? I decided to blog about my weight loss, because it's very much what I'm personally focused on these days.

In short, my journey began on January 1, 2010, when I hit rock-bottom by hitting an unwanted highest-ever: 365 pounds. As of August 1, 2015 (two thousand thirty-eight days later, but who's counting?) I weigh 253 pounds.

(Hold for applause.) (Hold for ticker-tape parade.) (Hold for somebody to tell me to get over myself and get on with the blog.)

So that's 112 pounds, with a lot of ups and downs in between. It's been a long journey, and it ain't over yet! I have eighty pounds to go before I hit my goal of 173 (which is just within the "normal" BMI parameters for me). I posted my first blog about this, I've Lost 100 Pounds and I'm Still Fat, on June 15.

Okay, So What's With This Hair Loss Business?

That's what I'd like to know! Back in November I noticed that I was losing a lot of hair. It had happened a few years earlier, too, after I'd lost a lot of weight, and eventually the "hair fall" stopped and life went on as usual. Even the November hair loss also slowed after I stopped using shampoo (switched to baking soda and vinegar, which I loved). But about two months ago, my hair started falling out again. So now, yeah, I'm a little worried.

Worried enough, and embarrassed enough, in fact, that I wasn't going to write about it. But it's been very much on my mind, and since it's a health-related issue (and possibly a weight-related issue, still not sure), it seemed dishonest to keep it to myself.

I've done a fair amount of internet-related research on the subject. What I haven't done yet is talk to my doctor. But I finally made an appointment, so hopefully I'll soon be on the receiving end of some helpful medical advice. It could be something as simple as an iron deficiency. It could be stress-related. Could be hormonal. Could be a million, bazillion things. One of the most frustrating aspects of this situation is all the things it "could be."

That being said, here are a few things I've done that seem to have made a slight difference:

• Stopped washing my hair every day. Although there was a time when I washed my hair every day, back in November I switched from shampoo to baking soda and vinegar. Recently I've tried going totally no-wash (except with water). Four days seems to be the absolute limit of how long I can go without cleaning my hair, although if I'm ever brave enough, I may push it a little longer. I can't say for sure that no-wash is making a big improvement, but I can say that my scalp feels healthier, less dry, and so I'm going to keep it up. (That is, I'm going to keep up the thing I'm not doing, which is daily cleaning.)
• Taking a supplement called Phytoworx. I'm not going to include a link here, because I don't want it to seem like I'm not trying to sell the stuff. I will say that it's a combination of just about every natural remedy for hair loss that I've heard of, and after a couple weeks of taking it, my hair loss has slowed. Not stopped, but slowed, and that ain't bad!
• Eating more protein, more often. Over the past year, as I've been eating lighter, meat has started to disappear from my diet. I've always felt philosophically drawn toward vegetarianism, and I even tried to go vegan a couple years ago (more on that in another post, if you're interested). But hair health and protein intake do seem to be related, so I've been making sure to include a couple small servings of meat a day, as well as eggs in the morning. I also eat nuts with my morning snack.

Anyhow, we'll see how this goes. If you see me walking around with a dramatic comb-over or a funny hat, you'll know why! I'm really hoping to get some helpful answers from my doctor. But either way, I'll keep you posted!

And if you've had this trouble yourself and don't mind talking about it, I hope you'll share your experiences in the comments.

Um, And What About The Mustache?

Huh. *blushes* Yeah, the facial hair is a whole other issue. Actually, I could have said "beard" in the post title instead of "mustache" but I just think "mustache" is a funnier word, so I used it instead.

Okay, this is an incredibly uncomfortable thing to discuss. But you know what, who cares? Honestly, more and more women are having facial hair issues, so let's get our fuzzy faces out of the closet and talk about it.

I started growing hair on my chin and neck when I was fourteen (not too devastating for a girl who already had major self-image issues!), and it's been a persistent problem. Over the past thirty years, I've tried:

• Electrolysis – was too painful and expensive for me to finalize my course of treatment, so unfortunately this had no long-term results.
• Laser hair removal – which didn't eliminate the problem, but did reduce it by about thirty percent.
• Waxing – I recently tried to let my chin hair get long enough for it to be waxed, but unfortunately that was a no-go. The very sweet lady at the salon suggested I let it grow for two weeks. After I stopped laughing at that idea, I thanked her for her time and left.
• Medical advice – I've consulted two doctors. One said that I exhibited symptoms of PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome). She prescribed birth control pills, but they made me crazy so I stopped taking them. The other prescribed progesterone, but I stopped taking it due to insurance issues (they're expensive, and I went through a period where I didn't have insurance, so there ya go). I'm thinking about asking my new doctor if she would suggest a similar course of treatment. But to be frank, I don't like taking a lot of prescriptions (already take two for my blood pressure), and since this a cosmetic issue, I chafe at the idea of swallowing any more. (I'm not saying this is a good attitude to have, I'm just saying that this has been my thought process thus far.)
• Natural solutions – For example, at one point, I tried taking large doses of inositol after reading that inositol has a positive effect on symptoms of PCOS. Awesomely enough, the inositol definitely slowed the growth of hair on my face. But unfortunately it also seemed to accelerate the loss of hair on my head, so I stopped taking it.

All of the above remedies have their workability and validity. You'll notice that one thing that most of them have in common is that I didn't follow through long enough to see permanent results. (The one exception being laser hair removal). My best hope is for…

• Weight loss – As I've lost the last fifty pounds or so, the hair on my face has stopped growing so quickly. I'm hopeful that as I continue to lose, the hair on my chinny-chin-chin will stop growing altogether. If it doesn't (which it very well may not), then I will probably go with a combination platter: medical, natural, and another round of laser removal.

Sometimes, you just gotta keep swinging until you hit something.

And Now What?

Well first, I'm going to end this post. It's already way too long! (Thanks for sticking with me this whole time, by the way. It's been incredibly cathartic.) After that, I'm going to keep doing the things that have been working, and weed out the things that haven't.

My next post will be on September 21. What would you like me to write about? Some ideas I've had are:

• I hate going to the doctor, but I do it anyway (medical manifesto from a semi-hippie-chick).
• Three silly things I've done to try to lose weight.
• Five years of weight loss: what's worked, and what hasn't.

Those are my thoughts, but I am wide open to other ideas! Please leave suggestions in the comments. Also, if you have questions about anything that I've written, please don't hesitate to ask. At this point, I don't have a lot of secrets left, so don't be shy.

You can also contact me any time through the About and Contact page on my website: MishaCrews.com/about.

Have a great week, friends!

I've Lost 100 Pounds and I'm Still Fat: 3 Tough but Funny Lessons from an Unfinished Journey

DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor. I'm also not an astronaut, lion tamer or mountaineer. Please consult a professional before making life changes in any of these important areas. Thanks.

So here's what happened:

On the morning of January 1, 2010, I stepped on the scale and the display read "365."

My first thought was: "Wow, I only had two glasses of champagne last night. Why is my vision so blurry?" I blinked and rubbed my eyes. Still 365.

My second thought was: "The floor must be really uneven here. This stupid scale isn't balanced properly." I got off, moved the scale slightly, and got back on again. Still 365.

My third thought was: "If something doesn't change, I'm going to be dead soon."

The third thought was the one that stuck. I made a solemn vow (as I had done so many — many, many — times before) that I would lose a hundred pounds before the end of that year.

One year and fifty-three months later, I actually reached that 100-pound goal. It was on May 10, 2015, that my scale (the same one!) told me I weighed 264.7 pounds. When I saw that magic number, I did an exuberant but incredibly clumsy happy dance (seriously, be thankful you weren't there to see it) and supplemented my kale shake with an extra scoop of triumph.

But here's the thing: I'm still fat. Although 265'ish pounds was an incredible milestone for me, and I'm as proud as punch to have reached that weight, there is a long, rocky road (yes, that's an ice cream joke) to travel between where I am now, and where I want/need to be. And although many hearty souls have made the trip from Obesityville to Healthytown before me, the journey is different for each of us.

So, in many ways, this feels like uncharted territory. And as I make my way across the wild country, confronted at every turn by untamed bowls of pasta and perilous cliffs chiseled out of chocolate, here are a few things I'm trying to keep in mind:

You gain some, you lose some… and then you gain some back.

Between where I started and where I am currently sitting (258.6 as of this morning), I have dropped a total of 106.4 pounds. (Excuse me while I break my arm patting myself on the back.) In addition to that, however, I estimate that I've lost, gained back, and re-lost about 85 pounds. Goodness only knows how much I'll lose, re-gain and then re-lose again, before I reach my ultimate goal of 173 pounds (which is just at "normal" for me on the BMI scale.

For example, in late-2011/early-2012, I lost about 60 pounds (more on that in a future post). I then spent the next couple years re-gaining and re-losing about twenty of those pounds. I was a little depressed about this for a while. But in the long run, I kept off 40 pounds, and that was the important thing.

If you lose a bunch of weight, there will usually be an "evening out" phase where some of the weight comes back on. It's a natural (if infuriating) part of the process. But the important steps are the ones that lead us forward, and those are the steps we should count.

Decisions, Decisions: Health and Happiness, Or Pizza? (The answer isn't as obvious as it should be.)

Simply put, pizza has three qualities which health and happiness will never have: it's easy, it's always gratifying, and it's instantaneous (if you consider 30 minutes or less to be instantaneous, which apparently I do).

Granted, the whole healthy/happy thing has its own kind of gratification (such as long life and… well… happiness), but it's rarely easy, and never instant. So, when I weighed almost four hundred pounds, how often do you think I'd pass up a hot, delicious slice of instant gratification in favor of a cold, unsympathetic celery stick? If you answered "Never," you win a bag of baby carrots.

But the lesson that I finally learned is this: it's not always an either/or question. Sometimes it's an and/and decision: Pizza and salad and a walk afterwards. Instant gratification tastes better with a heaping helping of healthy habits on the side. And the happiness is never far from my plate.

Mostly mental: Is it all in my mind… or on my backside?

Alfred Hitchcock once said, "When I catch sight of my reflection, I'm always surprised that I don't look like Cary Grant."

I can totally relate to that. Not that I think I look like Cary Grant. Or any Cary (or Carrie), for that matter. But I can completely empathize with the notion that our mental image of ourselves tends to be very different from what other people see.

Some people think they're fat, but they're actually not. Other people, like me, hide in a mental hole and pretend the fat doesn't exist until they get slapped in the face by the meaty palm of reality. (Like seeing 365 on my scale, or having my father die suddenly from heart disease, when he didn't even know he was sick.)

There are also some people who lose weight and still feel fat. But here's something I just realized recently: fat is a physical thing. It may, or may not, be seen as negative.

But beauty is always positive, and true beauty is entirely mental and emotional. If we feel beautiful, we are beautiful. And while there are exceptions to every rule, the majority of people will see us as we see ourselves. 

So when you hear a little voice whispering in your ear that says you're unattractive, or unworthy, or undeserving, tell that voice to take a hike. Even if — especially if — that voice is yours.

And tell yourself every day how beautiful you are. Because, guess what! You are!

What, did you think I hadn't noticed?

So… could this be a regular thing?

I'm thinking of making this weight loss journey my regular blog topic here on the Rockville 8. Does that sound interesting, or self-indulgent? And if it's interesting, what would you like to know?

Never, never, never, never give up!

“Never, never, never, never give up.” – Winston Churchill

A few weeks ago I attended the Washington Romance Writers annual retreat, In the Company of Writers. Our last speaker on Sunday morning was Diane Gaston who shared Churchill’s words of inspiration. Despite setbacks in her road to publication and various challenges since then, Diane has always kept that message at the core of her being. Never give up.

I’ve completed two marathons. Around mile 18 (why do the organizers always put mile 18 in the middle of nowhere? I’m looking at you Marine Corps Marathon at Haines Point!), the doubt creeps in. You start questioning why you’re doing this to yourself, why you started, who would care if you stopped, hey, you almost made it. Close enough, right?

But.

But.

Close enough isn’t the same as hitting the goal.

Some of you know that I’ve been on a weight loss journey for the last eight months. I’ve done astoundingly well. By most standards, if I said, “I’m done” today, I’d be a success. I’m in good health, I sleep well, I have terrific energy, and my jeans look better on me now then ten years ago. Hot damn!

Again with the but: I’m not done.

Several years ago I watched The Secret and one message has stayed with me front and center: most people give up just before they reach their goal. Like they get lost in that darkness before the dawn and can’t hold out to morning.

But I can.

Quitting when I only have 25 pounds to go would be like getting to the midpoint of my work in progress and deciding to stuff the manuscript in the desk drawer never to see the light of day again.  Which, heh, is kind of what I did with my writing around December of last year. I put it in a mental filing cabinet and walked away.

But I’m not a quitter.

So I’ve come back to the writing fold. Because I never, never, never, never give up.

Commit. Recommit. Repeat as necessary.

Y’all have commitment issues? Digame, mis amigos!

Joe Pilates, I think I love you

Since the beginning of the year, I’ve been doing Pilates twice a week and I.Could.Not.Be.Happier. We all know that exercise is an important ingredient in the weight loss soufflé but until this January, it was a missing staple in my pantry.

Exercise…patooey. The word has always left a bad taste in my mouth, made me tired and hopeless before I started. So I rarely started. But my goal is not to be skinny. My goal is to be healthy. And healthy means dense bones, flexibility, good lung capacity, strength. Losing weight is a great appetizer, but it's not the full meal.

Why Pilates? I’d never tried it before, but I’d heard such great things about it and, c’mon, those funky machines…so intriguing. The Reformer. The Cadillac. The Chair. The Barrel. I mean, where did they come up with those names? So curiosity brought me to the gym. And exhilaration keeps me there.

Pilates works for me on a number of levels.

First, I’m a beginner, but I never feel like I’m behind. The workout is tailored to my abilities.

Second, the emphasis is on quality, not quantity, so we don’t do endless reps. Each class has plenty of different moves, working all the muscles of the body and then from class to class, the routine changes up. No chance for boredom. Yay!

Third, I can see the results. Oh yes. Toned muscles are awesome! And just like stepping on the scale to see I’ve lost another pound, flexing my arm brings me the joy of progress. With joy comes renewed commitment.

Very satisfying! And encouraging. And exciting. And neat. And heartening. And, as I stated at the top, oh, it makes me happy. It does. So, add level four, after each workout, I get an endorphin rush that lasts for a couple of days. Better than drugs, baby! (Well, I imagine so anyway…)

As spring ramps up, I’ve added walking and in a few weeks my friend and I will start swimming. A coworker and I are knocking around the idea of doing a sprint-triathlon (a shorter race than regular triathlons) sometime later in the year. If I weren’t so stoked, I’d be worried I’m creating an exercise monster out of myself.

I think finding the right kind of exercise is at the heart of my happiness. Yoga never did it for me. Aerobics became tedious. Tennis is fun, but not something I’d turn to for getting into shape.

What about you? What activities do you turn to for fun and fitness? Kick-boxing? Zumba? Belly-dancing? Ye olde treadmill?

P.S. Many of you have been kind in cheering on my weight loss pilgrimage. Thank you. This morning I step on the scale and am delighted to report that since I started this diet in September of last year, I’ve shed 76 pounds (which brings my total loss since January 2011 to 81lbs.). Groovy, baby!

Reaction, Inaction, Action – Weight Loss and Empowerment

Reaction

Last November, I approached a close relative about a pattern of behavior I’d noticed in them that had me concerned. I did it from love, but my timing sucked – and bringing up delicate matters is often dicey no matter what the motivation or the timing. This family member hadn’t asked for my two cents. And I approached the person as they were indulging in the (to my mind) bad habit in question. [I’m purposefully not outing my relative here, so please bear with the gender-neutral pronoun awkwardness!]

Well, dear readers, my relative turned the tables on me. Got up in my grill, called me fat, said my obesity was a far cry more serious health issue than their “perceived problem” and that I could come back to state my case once I had lost 100 pounds. As in the pages of the very best writing, the situation worsened for this protagonist when my relative said:

“100 pounds? Hell, lose 75. Then we’ll talk.”

Ouch.

Inaction

I cried. I got mad. I gained more weight. I felt helpless and stuck. Gaining weight did nothing but hurt me, not my relative. But losing weight would mean they won. Right? Right?

I started a food journal in January and lost 12 lbs. Yay! Then I had a visit from the relative, stopped the food journal and over the next six or so months kept gaining and losing the same five pounds. In midsummer, I broke down and bought three pairs of pants in the next size up. I cried.

Action

By the end of this summer, I knew I had come to a crossroads. I could take control by committing to a weight loss program or I could continue to punish myself. Act or react?

I chose to act. Since mid-September I’ve lost about a fifth of my intended goal. I feel fantastic, like I crawled from beneath a rock to frolic in the sun. I have a long way to go, but I’m moving in a healthy direction. My family member and I will come to rapprochement. Or not.

Either way, I've grown throughout this process, from having a better sense of when to keep my mouth shut to learning how to unhook my actions from someone else's expectations. I'm not losing weight because of my relative. I'm losing weight because it's the right thing for me to do right now.

How about you? Are you an actor or re-actor? Or somewhere in between?